Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Anti-social media

I don't know if social media is made for the anti-socialite. I have so many pet peeves it's not even funny.

1. Sharing one account. Unless you are a conjoined twin actually sharing a face and the same friends, sharing a facebook account is weird. Embrace your individuality and reject the temptation to "be one" with your partner. Your friends will no longer be confused with whom they are conversing.

2. Sharing too much. I may tell my partner/sister/bff about my horrible flatulence and awesome bowel movement, but spreading that $hit all over facebook and twitter is just TMI. Would you tell these things to your ex-boyfriend, high-school frenemy, mother-in-law, neighbour? Because you just did. Remember your audience!

3. Likewise, minute-to-minute updates are not necessary. No one cares if you just ate a bagel unless it was the world's largest bagel and you're getting interviewed on TV by Guinness RIGHT NOW. It is information overload and people will assume you are hard up for attention or have no life. "I am moving my left foot. I am moving my right foot." What do you want? A medal?

4. Bandwagons. Everybody's on one. Join this group and keep facebook free. Join this cause and I will donate a bazillion dollars. If 1,000,000 people join this group John Lennon will rise from the dead and get a facebook account. Holy flurking schnit! Are you people or sheep? Sheople? Baaa...must join group...baaaa! Join join join...like like like.

5. If tweeter twatter tweets a tweet on Twitter...does anybody care? It's like the status update channel: All updates all the time! I mean, how can you follow all that tweeting, twittering, and twatting? It's just too much. Um...that being said, you can follow me on Twitter over there--->. (I'm such a hypocrite, I know!) But I promise not to post a running commentary on my day. Who has time???

6. Applications. There are some fun games, some dumb games, and some downright lame games. Then there are the super-lame-ass applications, like find your stripper name, when will you die, and when will you die as a stripper. What's the point? It's a one-shot wonder that clogs up your profile page. Unless you like to be buried under a layer of useless crap that defines you as a person that likes useless crap and can't throw anything away. If you must know when you will die, install the app, write it in your calendar, then use the handy-dandy remove link and hide your shame. You know what else is useful? The block application link. When I get an invite for anything I don't want, I block the application. To date I have blocked over 100 applications...and counting! I have blocked people that would not cease and desist sending invitations. Frig off!

7. Become a fan! See Sheep, #4.

8. OMG, i 8 a banana! lol. ur funny c u l8r! roflmao. WTF??? How hard is it to spell you and your? To press the shift key for uppercase letters? How can I respect you when you're lolling about with your head lolling to the side and your tongue lolling out of your mouth as drool falls onto your shirt? Lol lol lol. When you make a funny in real life (if you have one), do you say lol? Or do you actually laugh out loud? Think about it. Haha. Made you think! Do you chuckle? Heh heh. Guffaw? Ahahahahahaha! Giggle? Heehee. Isn't that better than lolling and rofflemaowing? Even a simple smile will do. That's right Dad. I'm talking to you.  :)

9. Obscure and awkward connections. Your brother's sister's father's wife's daughter? Oh wait, that's you. Your grade 8 classmate that sat behind you on the bus but never talked to you? Accept! Your estranged great-aunt's stepchildren? Accept accept! Look how popular I am! I have 1,013 friends! This must be how Oprah feels! Ooooh! I must add her as a friend. Having 1,013 connections. Cost: 1 soul. Not knowing 95% of them? Priceless. There's a lot your dignity can buy. For everything else, there's facebook/twitter/myspace/foursquare/linkedin.

What are your social media pet peeves?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

LOL. ;)

I love this post!