Friday, April 2, 2010

I'm Bringing Sexy Back

And by "sexy" I mean "hairy". Yep. Nothing says sexy like, "I have hairy caveman legs" unless you say it in a sexy french accent, "Ah have zee hairy cahvman legssss." See, you think I'm sexy already. And let's not even mention the underarms. I just don't think you're ready for that level of sexiness.

Why so hairy, you ask? Ah, mon cheri. It is the quest for the holy grail of hairlessness. It is a paradox that one must become incredibly hairy in order to have no hair...you follow? Step into my time machine...

Let's warp forward to Thursday. Ooooh la la! Those are some smooooth legs! Don't let the albino whiteness blind you. These legs have not seen the light of day since that week in Mexico, and even then they were red, not brown. How are they so impossibly smooth? Look into the screen as we flashback to Tuesday or Wednesday. Look, I haven't made the appointment yet, okay? This is the future we're looking at. See? That's me lying on the table, half-naked, as the European lady rips strips of wax and hair off my body. Is that not too much sexiness right there? Okay, look away. You can't handle the truth.

Alrighty then, back into the time machine. Hey, are those the lottery numbers for Wednesday? That's not cool, man. Put those back. Some ninety-year-old lady is going to win that. You don't want to mess with the space-time continuum. Seriously, dude. Didn't you watch Back to the Future I, II and III?

Um...are you petting my leg? That's not a small furry animal...okay, just a scratch. Oh yeah, right there. Damn, growing hair is itchy business. Do the other one now. Oh yeahhhhh...

3 comments:

Judy Haley (CoffeeJitters.Net) said...

hilarious. I've always wondered how movie stars and models manage that time period where you have to grow the hair long enough to have it waxed.

25BAR said...

ouch!

Alicia DiFabio said...

yeah, this is why i wont get waxed... i cant bear the 'grow out' part. My hair is SUPER dark, which makes it reallllly noticable :) this is hilarious btw!