Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Double, Double, Toilet Trouble...

I like my toilets.  The ones at home.  Particularly the one in my ensuite, where I have privacy to poop and toot behind two closed doors - the bathroom and the bedroom.  I spend a lot of time in there.  It's like my second home.  I like that my feet touch the ground.  I like the soothing hum of the fan.  I like having wet wipes on the back of the toilet for those "sensitive days" where I spend many hours seated upon my porcelain throne. I like a toilet with good suction mixed with a healthy amount of swirl. 

I do not like the toilet at work. City building code forced us to have a wheelchair-accessible (read: high) toilet.  My feet dangle when I sit back.  My pee hits the front of the bowl when I sit forward, and due to the U-shaped seat, it splashes up on my leg unless I bend over and direct the flow in to the water.  It is not a good shape.  It is a long oval, unlike my bum, which is a wide circle.  We are not a match made in heaven.  There is not enough water to welcome a log boom.  And to top it off, there is not enough suck.  So you end up with skid marks on the bottom that require the shameful double-flush.  And the most important feature of a commode?  Location, location, location!  It is near a doorway and two offices, and the light hum of the fan sometimes means you have to "hold your fire".

As far as toilets go, my friend has the ultimate in comfort and technology.  Is it fair to say I have toilet envy?  She is the proud owner of the Toto Washlet, which does exactly what it sounds like.  You go, and it washes you, front and back if you desire.  Not only that, but the seat is heated and sitting activates an exhaust fan that keeps your bowl and surrounding air fresh and clean.  It's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.  An oasis of clean.  I want one.

7 comments:

Captain Dumbass said...

I saw some of those toilets when we were shopping for new ones. If I win the lottery...

Helena - A Diary of Lovely said...

yay very informative post :) thanks
Happy Saturday Sharefest xoxo

Sassy Pants Freckle Face said...

I adore your humor and your Blog!!!
Thanks for stoppin by!
But I must have an xtra helping og you so Now I am am your follower!!!

have a rockin' weekend

<3 from SITS

Bonita said...

Hey....Gogina....

Come a freshen up and whatever else you like with the water jet....anytime....

Still lovin it!

Miz Dinah said...

Thank you Bonita Conchita! I look forward to it. It's like a spa day for your butt! ♥

Single Dad / Disabled Daughter said...

I have one of those ... my women friends tell me it is especially grand if you sit back, use the front bidet button and the massage button. All I know is they spend a lot of time in my bathroom ...

Ange said...

OMG Sista you are too funny! I ♥ U