Saturday, January 30, 2010

I Have Seen the Light!

Well I finally gave in and took my Nissan to the dealership to have the headlight bulb replaced. Not only is the bulb damn-near impossible to find, one must dismantle half the front end of the car to access said headlight. I know. We tried. It doesn't just pop out when you loosen the bolts. You have to take off the bumper or something. Not really a project for the maintenancely-challenged.

So I forked out the $73 for the bulb and $50 for labour and got 'er done at lunch on Thursday. I walked the automall loop while they changed it, so I got some bonus exercise. When I got back they weren't quite done, but I was told that BOTH my daytime running lights were out as well. That could net you a ticket, so I said to change them too. But he returned 5 minutes later and told me the good news. Because my car is an American model (that's another story), the wiring is different than the Canadian model. When the headlight burns out, the DRLs go out, but they are not burnt out. It's like an old-school string of Christmas lights. When one bulb goes, all the others on the circuit go out. So once they replaced the magical bulb, the DRLs came back on. Yay!

All is well and I can finally see in the dark! (While driving).

Friday, January 29, 2010

Pet Peeve # 475

Blah blah blah.
Oh stupid woman
on the phone.
You are pissing me off.
Why are you asking me all these questions?
You and I both know you know who I am.
Yes I made those transactions.
on my credit card.
Your security department
does not need to
I make a purchase.
Screw your protocol.
Stop bugging me.
And don't cancel my card.

Friday, January 22, 2010

The Snack That Bites Back

No, not the one that smiles back. That's goldfish crackers. I'm talking about the one that wakes you up at 3 am with gripping pains on the flight path to Uranus. The one that makes you dispel stinky-brown-floaty-water with such force as to splash the underside of the seat. The one that makes you rock rhythmically back and forth as you whisper incantations of pain. The one that makes you cold enough to wrap your bath towel around you to stop the shivering. Yeah. That one. I don't know which one I ate last night, but it sure had some bite to it!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Enlighten Me

Apparently the headlight bulb for my '06 Maxima is the holy grail of headlight bulbs. I went to Crappy Tire (Canadian Tire for all you non-Canucks) the other night and the little guide book in the bulb section only went up to 2003. So a cutie-patootie sales guy at the parts counter looked it up in his system, and nada. So he tried google and didn't get any conclusive results, but then he had to serve a few waiting customers. I went to my car and unearthed the manual in its snazzy zippered case. Flip-flip-flip. Ah, headlights. Okay, it says the bulb number is 9012.

So back I trudge to stare at the Great Wall of Bulbs. There is no such bulb. Looked behind the counter. No luck there. Cutie McParts Guy can't find it in their system either. So I drove home with one sad headlight and its recently deceased twin.

This afternoon I stopped at Lordco, a mecca for parts. Guy-with-a-black-eye looked in his computer and also cannot find any trace of this bulb, or any listing for what bulb an '06 Maxima would take. What. The. Hell?

I know for certain there is a bulb that fits, because I replaced the other side 2 years ago. A co-worker removed it and I took it to Crappy Tire and was back posthaste with bulb in hand. So whatever it is, it DOES exist. But apparently the only way to find out is to remove the dead one or take it to the dealership and pay a shitload of money to have a $20 bulb installed. I just can't bring myself to do the latter.

So wish me luck. I'm on a quest that needs to be completed before the next nightfall. I'll need an ogre, a donkey and a screwdriver.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Pet Peeve #918

Telemarketers. I don't want to buy your friggin' magazine/newspaper subscription/coupon book/timeshare, I have enough credit cards, and I already support several charities. If I wanted your product I would Google it and visit your web site and if I donate to any more charities I will be in need of one myself. Bugger off.

Thank you.

Good bye.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Pet Peeve #944

Spelling errors in printed publications, online marketing campaigns, signage, restaurant place mats, software, menus (it's spelled 'Caesar' not 'Ceasar') and anything else representing a place of business. Bill gave you spell check for a reason. Use it!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Pet Peeve #214

Don't even ask what this stupid-ass thing is. NEASEJ3CQS4V Go on about your business. Nothing to see here.

Pet Peeve #228

Price tags that leave adhesive and shreds of paper behind.

Monday, January 11, 2010

The Fourth Rule of Kitty:

Kitty will not drink from a water dish with kibble floating in it. Kitty would rather drink from the water dish you poop in.

Pet Peeve #364

Reply cards that fall out of magazines.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Aim Low, Sweet Chariot

I had an awesome visit with my sister yesterday. She has just gone solo in the big city and has a cute studio apartment. We went for coffee and after I got over my initial phobia of public places in which people can hear me and are probably staring at me because I'm just that interesting, we got into an animated discussion over writing. Once upon a time we collaborated on a book that never came to fruition. I think we need to aim lower. Never being to complete things myself, it seems a bit over-ambitious to write a novel. So we are going to write children's books. A character we created long ago resurfaced, and I think he is perfect. So that is our goal. To publish a book before the end of this year.

Also, we have decided to go to IKEA next weekend. That is a more instantly realizable goal. She needs a LACK table and I need light bulbs. Like I said, aim low.

Friday, January 8, 2010

The Third Rule of Kitty:

The most comfortable spot for Kitty will be the least comfortable for you. The sooner you accept it and pet Kitty the better off you will be.

Lookin' For Some Hot Stuff...

I ate at Quiznos today. Well, I had takeout anyway. I ordered the BBQ Beef on whole wheat. When I got back to work and opened it up I was expecting saucy beef on a bun, but there appeared to be only a thin line of sauce in the centre. No matter; it still looked appetizing and let's face it, I was starving and would pretty much eat anything at this point. First bite, mmm yeah. Good. Second bite, oh, that sauce has bite. Third bite, woo that's pretty spicy barbecue sauce! Wait a minute...oh sweet mother of God, that's friggin' hot! Wipe nose, continue eating. Sniffle. Wipe. Bite. I can't believe this is barbecue sauce. There must be some mistake. It looks like barbecue sauce, smells like barbecue sauce, and if I could taste it I would say it also tastes like barbecue sauce. But I can't taste it anymore because it feels like caustic acid in my esophagus and I think it has melted my taste buds. This must be hot sauce. They have to have made a mistake. There's no way 85% of the population could eat this. There were no flames around the BBQ Beef on the menu. The barbecue and hot sauce must look the same, or be mis-labelled. Hot-hot-hot. Eyes. Watering. Do. Not. Cry. Must. Persevere. Work through the pain. Think unsaucy thoughts. Small children would cry out in pain but I Am Woman. Oh thank God, I'm finished. Blow nose. Hey, my sinuses are clear! Oooohhhh, tongue still burns. Water-water-water! More water! Mmmmmaybe some cookies. I hear sugar helps tame the heat. Whoooooo sweet Jesus that was like nothing I've ever eaten. I have a headache and my nose is leaking. This is so going to hurt when it comes out. Wasabi, eat your heart out!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The Second Rule of Kitty:

Kitty is number one.

Everything else is secondary. There are no exceptions. Except when Kitty says so.

See the First Rule of Kitty.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Out with the old, in with the new.

Year, that is. This new year brings a hands-free legislation in BC. No hand-held electronic devices while driving. Only voice-activated or one-touch Bluetooth® hands-free sets.

I felt so incredibly guilty this morning taking a bite of my Starbucks breakfast sandwich at a red light. Should I be biting this? Should there be a hands-free sandwich device? Can I take a sip of my coffee? A phone doesn't make a mess when dropped in your lap to turn left and those are now taboo. You can't adjust your iPod (if your car is equipped with a dock), but you can change the radio station or turn on the A/C. The new law states that you can't watch TV while you drive, can't text while you drive, can't play video games while you drive, but so far does not mention breakfast sandwiches or hot beverages. What's next? There are only so many laws that can protect you from stupidity. When will we be strapped in astronaut-style with big bubble helmets and 5-point harnesses and computer-assisted driving to protect us from ourselves?

It appears common sense is not so common anymore. If you can't chew gum and walk at the same time, you probably shouldn't attempt to multitask while driving. There should be a test for that. I wonder if the bubble helmets come equipped with a Bluetooth® sandwich device?