Sunday, November 30, 2008

blogging + loafing = bloafing

I am boredly bloafing (props to my sistah for coining that!), and reading my Google Analytics stats. Here are the search terms that brought people to my blog:

(In random order, of course.)
  • dinah gogina (naturally)
  • picture gogina (who's looking for a picture of my gogina??)
  • "smell like oregano" diaper (don't even want to know!)
  • favourite vaginas (I hope I made the list!)
  • flaming bag of wind (yeah, I get that)
  • milking fake cow kindergarten classroom (?)
  • naked headless delight (I've often been called so)
  • tanlines (don't have any)
  • wetspot (ha!)

My apologies to people who have landed on my blog while looking for these things. I fear I have failed you in your quest for information. Might I suggest Wikipedia.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Christmas (Dis)-Spirit

What the hell is wrong with people? Making international headlines this week is the death of a 34-year-old man in New York. A Wal-mart employee. Trampled to death. By Christmas shoppers. In the Christmas spirit. Clearly.

I'm sorry, I just leafed through our Wal-mart flyer (mind you, in Canada) and there was not one God damned thing I would drive the 15 minutes to Wal-mart for, much less stomp another human to death for. I don't care if they were giving away free iPods, iPhones or iDon'tCare. A) Stores have a very limited quantity of door-crasher specials in each location, sometimes as many as ONE only. B) The odds of being the first 1-10 shoppers in line are slim to none. C) Camping out to be first in line is not worth my time. D) I don't like people, especially when congregated in throngs. (*disclaimer: I am in possession of very little commercially-prepared Christmas spirit this year.)

As a matter of fact, I perused all of our flyers this morning over coffee, and while there were many household items I apathetically long for, I would not drive to any of the stores, close as they may be, to buy them. Home carpet shampooer, hell yes I want one. $169.99...meh. Espresso machine...mmmm...meh, too much work. Storage bench for foyer...ehhhh. You know what? I really don't need anything. My basic needs are met. Food, shelter, clothing, transportation, internet, coffee maker. Anything over and above that is just gravy. Fattening, tasty, and not always necessary.

Anyway, we are having our first non-traditional Christmas this year. We are getting the hell out of Dodge for two weeks and bypassing the Christmas tree, mega-shopping spree, baked-goods sugar coma, pants-busting dinner and endless obligations. I just don't want to be here. Leaving behind the jammed parking lots, holiday traffic, rude shoppers, crappy weather. (It rains a lot on the West Coast.) Just the three of us. On a cruise to Mexico. Relaxing. De-stressing. Sunshine. Beaches. Walking. Wading. Lounging. Ahhhhh. Then three fun-filled days in Disneyland. Just family time. Our gift to each other. I am really looking forward to it.

I'm going to leave my donation at the food bank, drop off my items for the school fundraiser to adopt a family in need in our community, bring some toys to the Christmas Bureau, put my change in the Salvation Army pot. Those things make me feel good. Voracious spending, full-contact shopping and gift wrapping marathons do not.

Friday, November 7, 2008

The Usual Suspects

I know...Hallowe'en has been over for a week now, but I have been MIA for two weeks and I'm just getting caught up. I have a really good excuse too. I went to the Madonna concert last Thursday, and then it was Hallowe'en, and

Anyway, I wanted to share our jack-o-lanterns for this Friday's Foto Finish Fiesta.

I present to you:

Ninja Pumpkin

Scared Pumpkin (aka Oops I Crapped My Pants Pumpkin)

Mildly Confused Pumpkin

And the Trick-Or-Treaters (Ghost and Little Ghost Under a Sheet)

What is most surprising to me is that we carved all five of them in two hours, including gutting and making pumpkin seeds.

PS. Madonna was fabulous!