Saturday, June 14, 2008

Love Your Vagina

In honour of Father's Day tomorrow, I bring you another one of my new-favourite-blogs: The Wind in Your Vagina. Yeah, I know. I thought it might be about varts too. But oddly enough, it is written by a dad, which makes it even funnier. So to you, Black Hockey Jesus, and to every dad who has had one of those moments, Happy Father's Day.

Favourite Hollywood Vagina Moments:
* Kathy Bates in Fried Green Tomatoes, struggling to find her vagina in the mirror
* American Pie: "This one time, in band camp..."
* Varsity Blues: "Repeat after me, "Penis, penis, penis, vagina, vagina, vagina!""
* Sharon Stone's famous leg-crossing in Basic Instinct

Really not sure what vaginas have to do with Father's Day, unless you count the connection of the vagina to the act of becoming a father, I guess. I just wanted to see how many times I could use the word vagina in my post. Ten. A new record for me.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

I blog therefore I am... a loss for words. Why is it that when I have time to blog I sit here with nothing to say and when I have something to say, I am nowhere near sitting here? Chew on that for a while. The only thing currently running through my head is mucous in my sinus cavities, which is soon to be heading down my nasal passages. That is a clear sign something creative is brewing. Why else would my nose run? Besides the fact that I have a cold, that is?

Well, I did find two more blogs of note that I enjoy reading:
the vacationist and Junk Food Science. I like vacations, although I haven't travelled to such exotic places that promise step-by-step instructions on how to wash one's buttocks. I love squeaky clean butt cheeks. This is right up my...alley. I keep Cottonelle wet wipes in my washrooms, even at work. There's nothing like a fresh bum. Seriously. I also like junk food. I want to not like it, but I have been conditioned through years of exposure to processed food to expect a certain mouth-feel for gratification. I am trying to unlearn this behaviour. I just ate two dark chocolate Lindt truffles. Draw your own conclusions.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

It Might Be The Sugar...

Where to start? In no particular order then:

#1. I am sick. I have caught my daughter's cold, and have been plagued with a runny nose and horrible cough since Thursday. I took Friday off work to rest up, and I took a trip to Ye Olde Healthe Foode Store to pick up some Wild Oil of Oregano which is seemingly all the rage these days. Which leads me to...

#2. Heh. Well, I was going to say I now smell like I've been licking the inside of a pizza, because I smell like oregano. Hopefully in a good, Italianny way, but I have no one to vouch for that. My husband is also "on the sauce" so together we will do his Italian surname proud. But #2 reminded me of #2, about which I won't go into great detail, but...

#3. We'll call it #3. I am lactose intolerant. Or at least, I was for 16 years up until last week. I very often pay the price for my dairy indulgences, and may be single-handedly keeping the Charmin company alive. However, I have not had a digestive upset in week, and I have had whipped cream, homemade chai tea with milk, gelato, chocolate fondue with cream, cheese, and hot chocolate, all sans-Lactaid. I don't think I have done anything different. Is it possible to outgrow lactose intolerance? I keep waiting for the other poo to drop, and so far I have been happily disappointed. I hope this means greener pastures for me. Heh heh. I just wanted to share that, in case it is short-lived. Go Moo.

#4. I had a great weekend in Vancouver, despite my cold. We won tickets to a fundraiser at Telus World of Science (at $300 per family, I doubt we would have gone otherwise!). There was so much food. Had we not just eaten dinner, I would have buried my nose in the buffet like a pig sniffing for truffles. Luckily, I was able to exercise control by sitting off to the side with my wine and picking from the passing trays of mini-burgers, meat on a stick, mini-donuts and more. Since we didn't pay for our tickets, we wandered by the silent auction table and thought we would put a bid on something small. Most of the small items had already been bid up pretty high, so we thought we'd help out by upping the ante on a larger auction. A three-night stay for 10 people at a chalet in Whistler Village valued at $1200. Starting bid was $600. Hubby says put down $700. Why not? The WestJet and Rocky Mountaineer auctions went for close to retail value. You guessed it. We won the auction. Of course we wouldn't have bid on something we didn't want or had no intention of paying for. I'm just surprised that it didn't get any more bids. $700 is a great deal! So although we didn't intend on dropping that much money this weekend, we're pretty happy about getting it. Thank God they took MasterCard! It was really fun to visit all the exhibits while the venue was closed to the public. The kids all got goody bags at the end of the evening, and with all the food, desserts, beer and wine, entertainment and exhibits, it was a great evening. Even the weather held up so we could walk to and from the hotel.

#5. I had slight eBay withdrawal, as I was forbidden to bring my laptop this weekend. I am whittling away at my stock and so far everything is selling. Did I mention I love eBay? I might need to sell quite a few things to pay for the expensive weekend.

#6. I love Cupcakes. Also cupcakes. But specifically Cupcakes on Denman and Cupcakes on Broadway. These are the best cupcakes ever. The buttercream frosting so delicious, and the moist cakes melt in your mouth. I got a Lemon Drop. The Man had a Banana Split Cupcake with a cherry on top. The Girl had a mini-Red Velvet with cream cheese icing. We took home a dozen mini-Divas. I should have taken a picture, but I was too excited to eat cupcakes and it's too late to Google up some images. I'm off to bed with visions of Cupcakes dancing in my head.

Ohh...the gelato...I forgot to mention the gelato! Went to Casa Gelato, where they have 218 flavours on site. Not just plain chocolate or mango, but rum and coke, balsamic vinegar, garlic, wasabi and avocado to name a few. We settled on Rice (pudding), and Mocha Almond, after 30 minutes of dazedly wandering around the counters, sampling flavours. It was fabulous! Even the wasabi was good, but I couldn't eat a whole cone of that. Just the teaspoonful made my eyes water. Our daughter had the usual. Bubblegum. I am loving my newfound dairy digestiveness!