Friday, December 26, 2008

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Howdy folks. I'm holed up in the Club Lounge at the Sheraton enjoying happy hour, one day before departing lovely Anaheim for home. From what I hear, we have a foot of snow! It is unusual for us to have a white Christmas. We usually only get a couple weeks of snow, but spread out sporadically over the winter. Sorry I missed it, but Mexico was calling. Wait, do I hear it calling again? I'm not looking forward to leaving for home. I did not invest in snow tires, I gambled our money on a vacation instead.

Well, the Carnival Cruise to Puerto Vallarta, Mazatlan and Cabo San Lucas was very enjoyable. The food was awesome and plentiful, from the buffets to the sushi bar to the fine dining room to the 24-hour room service. The service was excellent. The towel animals from our steward were well received. We would leave our room for an hour, and when we returned it was magically cleaned or the beds were turned down without seeing a trace of uniformed staff. I swear they had peepholes in the wall and watched for us to leave. It was so nice to have that kind of service. Unfortunately the only hiccup was that our daughter caught a cold and that triggered her asthma, so the coughing disturbed a bit of my sleep. But we didn't have to get up early, so no big deal. We ended up not getting off the boat at Cabo because of the huge lineup for the tenders (boats to the dock). The other two stops were right at the dock. My husband caught our daughter's cold so the two of them were sniffly anyway. We took advantage of the empty ship and had the pool and hot tub to ourselves.

I thought I had escaped the dreaded cold, but alas it was not to be. I caught it the day we disembarked, and it has been with me all week while we played at Disneyland, California Adventure and Legoland. Nothing that a trip to Target for cold meds and 15 travel packs of Kleenex can't fix or at least cover up.

Disneyland was not as magical as the first time three years ago. However, it was a blast now that our daughter is brave enough to tackle the roller coasters. We had so much fun enjoying all the rides we missed last time: Big Thunder Mountain, Space Mountain, Splash Mountain, and Mulholland Madness. We ate a massive two-pound smoked turkey leg at the park in lieu of Christmas dinner last night. Mmmmm... and spent the next two hours picking it out of my teeth because I didn't bring dental floss (I'm a compulsive flosser). Anyway, this is our last day of a 5-day park hopper pass today. Gotta hit the Matterhorn Bobsleds and Grizzly River Run, pick up a few more souvenirs and another churro. Then our trip will be complete.

Legoland was interesting. Although it rained for the first half of the day, it didn't spoil our fun. We bought rain ponchos (clear yellow garbage bags with hoods, actually) and hit most of the rides. Had a hella hot cheesesteak sandwich. It was the equivalent of walking on hot coals, and I prevailed. I think there was an accident with the cayenne pepper shaker behind the grill. Whoa, mama! We had a two-day pass, but didn't make it back down there. Hit a Jack-In-The-Box and Krispy Kreme on the way back up to Anaheim so we can check that off our list. We don't have these American institutions in Canada. No trip to the USA is complete without a Sourdough Jack.

Of course our daughter still received a stocking filled with little Webkinz (easy to pack!) on Christmas morning, even though this trip was our present. It still helps to have something to open, and she was thrilled to add them to her collection. I was thrilled they were on sale at Walgreen's, 2 for 1! And at a fraction of the price in Canada to begin with.

So tomorrow we return to reality, if our flight isn't cancelled due to weather. Luckily we have done several loads of laundry during this trip, so there won't be a huge pile to wash. Most can just be unpacked and put away. Hahaha...yeah right. Usually we live out of our suitcases for the first week because we're too tired (read: lazy) to unpack. But I have good intentions this time. Really! :)

Merry Christmas ~ Joyeux Noël ~ Feliz Navidad ~ Hyvää Joulua ~ Happy Kwanzaa ~ Happy Hanukkah

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Checking In Before Checking Out

I am still alive, and quite well. I promise. It's been a busy couple of weeks preparing for our Very Merry UnChristmas. We are in LA, leaving for our cruise in a couple of hours. I will be back in LA next week, and I believe internet access is included with our room then. For now I am making do with the free computer in the Sheraton Club Lounge where we are enjoying a fabulous continental breakfast. Along with coffee and pastries, they also offer oatmeal, cream of wheat, several selections of toasted breads and bagels, fresh fruit, and eggs. Mmmm!

Anyway, hope to check in next week while we are visiting The Most Magical Place on Earth, and maybe even post a Friday Foto Finish Fiesta. Have a great Christmas all!

Sunday, November 30, 2008

blogging + loafing = bloafing

I am boredly bloafing (props to my sistah for coining that!), and reading my Google Analytics stats. Here are the search terms that brought people to my blog:

(In random order, of course.)
  • dinah gogina (naturally)
  • picture gogina (who's looking for a picture of my gogina??)
  • "smell like oregano" diaper (don't even want to know!)
  • favourite vaginas (I hope I made the list!)
  • flaming bag of wind (yeah, I get that)
  • milking fake cow kindergarten classroom (?)
  • naked headless delight (I've often been called so)
  • tanlines (don't have any)
  • wetspot (ha!)

My apologies to people who have landed on my blog while looking for these things. I fear I have failed you in your quest for information. Might I suggest Wikipedia.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Christmas (Dis)-Spirit

What the hell is wrong with people? Making international headlines this week is the death of a 34-year-old man in New York. A Wal-mart employee. Trampled to death. By Christmas shoppers. In the Christmas spirit. Clearly.

I'm sorry, I just leafed through our Wal-mart flyer (mind you, in Canada) and there was not one God damned thing I would drive the 15 minutes to Wal-mart for, much less stomp another human to death for. I don't care if they were giving away free iPods, iPhones or iDon'tCare. A) Stores have a very limited quantity of door-crasher specials in each location, sometimes as many as ONE only. B) The odds of being the first 1-10 shoppers in line are slim to none. C) Camping out to be first in line is not worth my time. D) I don't like people, especially when congregated in throngs. (*disclaimer: I am in possession of very little commercially-prepared Christmas spirit this year.)

As a matter of fact, I perused all of our flyers this morning over coffee, and while there were many household items I apathetically long for, I would not drive to any of the stores, close as they may be, to buy them. Home carpet shampooer, hell yes I want one. $169.99...meh. Espresso machine...mmmm...meh, too much work. Storage bench for foyer...ehhhh. You know what? I really don't need anything. My basic needs are met. Food, shelter, clothing, transportation, internet, coffee maker. Anything over and above that is just gravy. Fattening, tasty, and not always necessary.

Anyway, we are having our first non-traditional Christmas this year. We are getting the hell out of Dodge for two weeks and bypassing the Christmas tree, mega-shopping spree, baked-goods sugar coma, pants-busting dinner and endless obligations. I just don't want to be here. Leaving behind the jammed parking lots, holiday traffic, rude shoppers, crappy weather. (It rains a lot on the West Coast.) Just the three of us. On a cruise to Mexico. Relaxing. De-stressing. Sunshine. Beaches. Walking. Wading. Lounging. Ahhhhh. Then three fun-filled days in Disneyland. Just family time. Our gift to each other. I am really looking forward to it.

I'm going to leave my donation at the food bank, drop off my items for the school fundraiser to adopt a family in need in our community, bring some toys to the Christmas Bureau, put my change in the Salvation Army pot. Those things make me feel good. Voracious spending, full-contact shopping and gift wrapping marathons do not.

Friday, November 7, 2008

The Usual Suspects

I know...Hallowe'en has been over for a week now, but I have been MIA for two weeks and I'm just getting caught up. I have a really good excuse too. I went to the Madonna concert last Thursday, and then it was Hallowe'en, and

Anyway, I wanted to share our jack-o-lanterns for this Friday's Foto Finish Fiesta.

I present to you:

Ninja Pumpkin

Scared Pumpkin (aka Oops I Crapped My Pants Pumpkin)

Mildly Confused Pumpkin

And the Trick-Or-Treaters (Ghost and Little Ghost Under a Sheet)

What is most surprising to me is that we carved all five of them in two hours, including gutting and making pumpkin seeds.

PS. Madonna was fabulous!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Got Milk?

Who knew you could have this much fun milking a (fake) cow? My daughter was helping me choose a picture for Candid Carrie's Friday's Foto Finish Fiesta this morning. This is from a fair we went to in 2004. She had a natural knack for her first time milking and she had a lot of fun. Plus there were no cow patties to step in and no smelly barn!

Friday, October 17, 2008

I Left My Heart... San Francisco. What a beautiful city. It felt very much like home. Honey had a conference to go to, so we got a sitter for three days and flew down. I wandered around the Union Square area during the conference, and in the afternoons we played tourist together. The day we arrived we went to Fisherman's Wharf, ate magnificently stinky garlic fries, then boarded the ferry to Alcatraz. It was an amazing experience, even though I was burping garlic the whole time. When we were walking up the hill I had to let one out, and some people behind us said, "Hey, do you smell garlic?" Hahahaha...good times.

Visit Candid Carrie for some more Friday Foto Finish Fiesta goodness.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Homework 101

I deserve a frickin' gold star. Or a big-ass glass of Merlot. I helped my daughter complete her difficult math homework yesterday, complete with three tear-filled meltdowns and numerous 9-year-old expletives against the teacher, without a) losing my cool, b) giving up, or c) running away from home. I am proud of myself for handling this when I would have done one of the above in the past. Even though on the inside I felt like a seething mama bear and wanted to bitch slap have a strongly worded conversation with the teacher.

My daughter has liked all her teachers from kindergarten to grade 3. Even the firm, no-nonsense ones. This year we had to wait until the second week of school to find out which classrooms they would be divided into. The temporary teacher she was assigned that week was so nice, and she ended up getting all my daughter's friends. The remaining grade 4s ended up with our current teacher, who seemed competent and friendly on our first meeting. Although the kiddo was upset about not being with her friends, we told her she would make new ones and that this teacher was just as nice. Um. Yeah. I'm not sure what happened. 3 nights out of 5 she is complaining that her teacher is stupid because she doesn't explain anything. Most nights we are able to diffuse the situation and get the homework done, but last night she was damn near homicidal.

If my facts are correct, and I only have this second-hand, the teacher was yelling at the class, and specifically my daughter, for not getting the work right. First of all, the concept of "mental math", whereby you employ one of three methods to quickly add large sums in your head, completely goes against the principles of math she has been taught all her life. Adding left to right does not compute in her brain that is conditioned to add from right to left. So I understand her frustration. She told me she brought it to the teacher's desk three times, and each time she got in trouble for adding it incorrectly. Not that the answers were all wrong, but in the way she added them, one over top of the other. Who the hell cares? Not everyone is destined to add large sums in one's head.

While it's possible this could be exaggerated by my sensitive 9-year-old, this is not the first time I have heard tell of her yelling. She gets pissed at the class on a regular, if not daily, basis. They are a noisy, talkative bunch. But it's certainly the first time my girl has been personally yelled at. I'm pretty sure I don't like it. It makes for a really negative evening. Sure as I'm writing this blog, my husband and daughter are arguing over not calling the teacher stupid while doing homework. I'm tending the soup and tuning out to preserve my sanity this evening.

It really seems that this teacher is not prepared for this class. I don't know if it's because she's new to our school or she hasn't taught grade 4 or she has personal issues. If it's not obscure concepts not being explained, it's contradictory information being given (one day she says colour the map all green, and after it's coloured, do each province a different colour), or not enough information being given (which questions specifically to answer). I can't wait for parent-teacher night, because I need to find out why this woman is driving me to drink making school so f-ing difficult. I swore I wasn't going to interfere and ask to have her moved to the other classroom, because I don't want to send that message to my kid. But now...seriously wishing I had. Damn.

On a positive note, she did receive praise for sticking with her math homework and the evening ended with a smile on her face. So a gold star for her as well.

I would like to give a shout out to some moms who deal with shit like this times 3+ and have lived to tell the tale:

Scary Mommy, who is not really that scary (unless you piss her off), considering she's home with 3 young kids

Candid Carrie who has a never-ending supply of kids and patience (and cats)

Insane Mama who has a houseful of teenagers and a grandma!

I raise my glass to you! Cheers!

Friday, October 10, 2008

Which Came First?

The liquor or the drugs? While in Playa del Carmen, I saw a lot of things outside my prudish Canadian cultural realm. I found these two signs amusing:
I did not venture into the Drugs & Liquors store; however, I did go into the Tequila & Drugstore several times for tequila samples, souvenirs and tampons. Muy bien!

Check out Candid Carrie's Friday Foto Finish Fiesta!

Friday, October 3, 2008

Naked Statues = Art

Heh heh. I am so immature. It could have been the wine. Do you recognize her? It's the naked bronze lady statue from Telus World of Science aka my profile pic. After I groped her breasts I had myself photographed with her naked self. I was giddy with delight (and wine!) as I mingled with naked headless people.

His and Hers. You know I did something lewd in the corner with Naked Bronze Man. How could I not? Anyway, um, this is serious art. Yes. Educational serious art. Educational serious art with a scientific purpose. A purpose which I have now forgotten. Doh! In the words of Ned Flanders: "Homer, I can see your doodle!"

Check out Candid Carrie's Friday Foto Fiesta!

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Once You Go Black...

Well, you know what they say.

I used to be a Tim Horton's Double Double girl. Two cream. Two sugar. I went to Weight Watchers for a short time and the leader told us she used to take two and two in her coffee, but she whittled her way down to black. I thought, "No way in Hell can I do that." I have a cousin who takes Triple Triple in her Extra Large Tim Horton's coffee, and she is not overweight. I will cut down in other areas.

When I started working up in Accounting, my supervisor (now great friend) was a One and One, also known as Regular, at Timmy's. Ew. But she was such a healthy person in her eating habits, so she sucked me into the One and One realm. And I got used to it.

My sister got a job at Starbucks. Starbucks coffee is nothing like Timmy Ho's. As a matter of fact, if you read the label or the web site, I don't believe they actually disclose what kind of beans are in their coffee. Anyway, whenever I visited her at work or at home (which was the same thing, she practically lived there when she wasn't working), I drank Starbucks coffee. Actually, I drank lattés and mochas at first. She expanded my coffee horizons. I tried the Guatemala Antiqua. I tried the Caffe Verona. I tried the Sumatra. Komodo Dragon. Yukon. French Roast. She worked me up from mild-medium blends to bold-dark roasts. And I liked it. I even gave up the sugar. But I didn't like the filmy feeling in my mouth when the coffee contained cream. She suggested I try it black. I couldn't. But I did downgrade to milk. One morning, hubby and I made our freshly ground Starbucks and discovered we were out of milk. And Irish Cream. What were we to do? Needing our fix, we drank it black. It was bold and strong, but the flavour that lingered was enjoyable. So we had a second cup instead of going to the store for milk.

Slowly, we weaned ourselves off the milk carton. We tasted the different subtleties in the different blends. We became coffee connoisseurs. We drink Fair Trade coffees. We grind our own beans. I am proud to say we are now Black. And loving it.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Look Ma, No Tan Lines

My husband doesn't like my profile picture. He doesn't understand. I am not photogenic. Either my eyes are doing something weird, or my smile looks constipated, or my mouth is open. I had a hell of a time finding a half-decent facebook profile pic, and even in that one I am half-drunk with a goofy smile. Sadly it IS one of my better photos.

So in the interest of full disclosure, the profile pic I am currently using is not me. I am neither bronze, nor headless, although I do often find myself naked. It is not even a bronze cast of me, although the likeness is remarkable. I found the statue at Telus World of Science during a fundraiser. I liked it because it resembled me. I actually fondled it while holding a glass of red wine and having my picture taken. But it was too disturbing to post us together, because it was hard to tell us apart. (I was the pasty one on the left with the wine.) There was another statue, but it had a penis. I had my picture taken with that one as well (fondling it, of course) but I didn't use it because, well, I didn't want to be mistaken for a chyx-with-dicks feminist. Not that there's anything wrong with that....I do have a mild case of penis envy. Who wouldn't want to pee standing up anytime, anywhere? Not having to make a basketweave of toilet paper squares over public toilet seats. Not having to squat. Not finding an empty roll at the end of a pee.

Where was I? Oh yeah. Anyway, I hope you don't mind staring at her brazen bronzeness until I reach the holy grail of finding a picture of me that doesn't suck.

Wish I Were Here...

Playa Del Carmen

This is one of my favourite photos. It was taken during our vacation to Playa Del Carmen, Mexico in March of this year. I have a hard time relaxing (even when stretched out on the couch like a slug I am stressed and unrelaxed). This day in particular, my husband went out jet-skiing in the ocean, while our daughter and I walked down to a semi-secluded beach to play in the sand and watch for Daddy. The water was so beautifully tropical, the sand was warm and soft. I sat and watched our daughter build a sandcastle and collect shells and rocks, and we waved to Daddy when he zipped back and forth on the jet-ski. I felt very relaxed, snapping pictures of her as she ran to the edge of the waves in her new red sarong, her hair whipping gently in the breeze. Every time I look at those photos I remember how peaceful and relaxed that moment was.

**First picture posted (ever) as part of Candid Carrie's Friday Foto Fiesta!

Saturday, September 20, 2008

With This Ring...

Our daughter frequently asks us, "When are you guys getting married?" For our 15-year anniversary yesterday, she "married" us with two rings she picked out the day before from the dentist's office. Then the three of us went out to a lovely three-course dinner. It's not for lack of trying, as two wedding dates have come and gone. Getting married is a huge project of coordination, organization, and frustration. Not to mention the expense.

Rewind eleven years ago (before our daughter was born). We were young. Barely in the workforce after university (read: poor!) with student loans, a high-rent townhouse and a yen to be married. We attended the Vancouver Wedding Fair, picked up samples, ideas and a wedding planner book. We made lists. Colours, venues, menus, guests. I tried on dresses. We argued about costs. Our guest list ballooned. We both have large families. Our close family members numbered over 120 and we hadn't invited any friends yet. We grew resentful. We broke up. I moved in with my dad for three months. We talked on the phone every night. We missed each other. We got back together.

We got better jobs and eventually decided to start a family. We moved into a two-bedroom condo in the city when we were four-months pregnant. Closer to work for both of us and far enough away from our families to be independent. Our beautiful daughter was born. We wanted to get married again, share a last name. We down-scaled our wedding plans to a small, intimate gathering of 80 family members. We booked the banquet room at a golf course, paid the deposit, started planning. Took out a $10,000 line of credit to pay for the wedding, since I wasn't working. Decided halfway into it that we just couldn't afford it. Babies are expensive! The golf course wouldn't give our deposit back, so we told them to cook up $500 worth of appetizers and we invited some people to come and eat them.

By then we were together for seven years. We had a family. We were committed to each other. So we gave up on the wedding and spent what very little money we had to buy our first house. Get out of the city, get a yard, invest in our future. We joked that we were doing everything backwards: have a baby, buy a house, get married.

Well, our baby is nine, we're in our second house...

I think it's time we get married. But now it's not so important to have the whole fam-damily join us. It's personal. Just the three of us. So we will probably elope or have a destination wedding. If some of our family can join us, that would be great, but we're going to plan what works for us. Our options are:

- Las Vegas
- somewhere tropical
- on a cruise somewhere tropical
- City Hall
- or something local

Plus we have all the linens, toasters, gravy boats and steak knives we need. What we NEED are margaritas, palm trees and a sandy beach. :)

Thanks for journeying with me through time. We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog. And by regular I mean twice a month. I'm working on that. See Procrastination.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Flaming Bag of Pooooooo...

I am somewhat recovered from last week, in which I was sick with an affliction I have named Angry Yellow Diarrhea, formerly known as Acid Poo. It was, as the name implies, out for vengeance. Um. Ow.

I dragged my butt to work each day, where I am unable to do anything above a number one without the whole office knowing. Ah, even then you can hear me tinkle, but it's an acceptable noise. If the toilets were lower and I could make a better seal between my bum and the seat, you wouldn't even hear that, but alas, wheelchair-accessible toilets are not ergonomically designed for the height-impaired. At 5'2", only my toes touch the floor. If I plant my feet flat on the floor, I will be crapping on the seat. I call shenanigans! Discrimination against short people! :)

Luckily, I have access to the "Executive Washroom" upstairs. If I coordinate it just right (aka hold it til lunchtime), I can use it when no one is upstairs and I can shart to my heart's content.

Ahhhh, my kingdom for a bran muffin...

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Underwear and Potatoes

Ahhh...back to the grind. There's nothing better for killing post-holiday joy than going back to work. At least my office is 5 feet away from a full carafe of Starbucks Caffe Verona. At home I am 5 feet away from 5 feet of dirty laundry. We were only gone 4 days, but do you want to know a dirty secret? In the interest of saving time, I brought dirty laundry with me to Whistler and washed it at the house we rented. So we had clean clothes for our trip. But now we have none. I'm wearing the oh-so-comfy-but-none-too-pretty laundry-day undies and a blouse from which I ripped the tags this morning.

I want a nap. Instead I must fill my high-efficiency washer with a pitchfork and OxyClean and stand over a hot dryer folding and folding to infinity and beyond. If it were really highly efficient it would do all this for me while I napped. The hot laundry makes me even sleepier. As I snuggle the downy softness of freshly tumbled t-shirts I barely resist burrowing into the hot pile yet to be folded and least until dinnertime. I am craving piles of warm things: creamy, steamy mashed potatoes and yorkshires filled with thick, rich gravy, and hot freshly baked buttered bread. Mmmmm. If I could lay on the bed of soft bread and pull mounds of fluffy warm potatoes over me and put a fat yorkshire under my head I would be happy. See how I crave carbs when I am tired? They are both comforting and comfortable. I am seriously a carbivore. Make no wonder I look like a potato.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Welcome to Whistler!

I'm in Whistler, home of the 2010 Winter Olympics (well, the mountain-dependant sports anyway, the rest are in Vancouver). We are lucky to be staying in the "cabin" we won in an auction, which is actually a 5-bedroom, 3-bathroom, 3-level chalet with 2 laundry rooms, a hot tub and a cappuccino machine. I don't want to go home. This place is lovely with all the wood beams, spiral staircases, sunny decks.... The owners live in Vancouver, and this is their vacation home. It's worth over a million dollars.

We went to the first annual Cheese Rolling Competition. It was so hot I thought the cheese would run rather than roll down the grassy hill. Tried some amazing cheeses, like barbecue-flavoured cheese curds, wasabi cheese, cumin cheese, and cracked pepper cheese. I like cheese. Sat on a rocky slope with sticks poking me in the butt until half my ass went to sleep. Then we packed 'er in and took the Cheese Bus back down to the village.

Went to Lululemon. Resisted buying anything (not even a hairband!). It's so trendy I don't think they ever have sales. Saw a little girl buying an overpriced hoodie for school. She was so small the smallest size was swimming on her. Made me kind of sick that her mom would waste that kind of money on a 10-year-old. Went to Helly Hansen where everything was 30% off. Their change rooms have swinging doors that don't lock. I was halfway into a pair of shorts (that's as far as they would go; they were a size too small!) when a guy opened the door looking for his girlfriend who had just vacated that same change room. Made an O face whilst grasping at my shorts in a half-pike position and grabbing for the door. Didn't buy any shorts. Or the $150 jacket I fell in love with.

Well, I'm off to the gondola and then finish packing to go home. I've procrastinated enough. Everyone is ready to go and I'm still in my jammies.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Love Your Vagina

In honour of Father's Day tomorrow, I bring you another one of my new-favourite-blogs: The Wind in Your Vagina. Yeah, I know. I thought it might be about varts too. But oddly enough, it is written by a dad, which makes it even funnier. So to you, Black Hockey Jesus, and to every dad who has had one of those moments, Happy Father's Day.

Favourite Hollywood Vagina Moments:
* Kathy Bates in Fried Green Tomatoes, struggling to find her vagina in the mirror
* American Pie: "This one time, in band camp..."
* Varsity Blues: "Repeat after me, "Penis, penis, penis, vagina, vagina, vagina!""
* Sharon Stone's famous leg-crossing in Basic Instinct

Really not sure what vaginas have to do with Father's Day, unless you count the connection of the vagina to the act of becoming a father, I guess. I just wanted to see how many times I could use the word vagina in my post. Ten. A new record for me.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

I blog therefore I am... a loss for words. Why is it that when I have time to blog I sit here with nothing to say and when I have something to say, I am nowhere near sitting here? Chew on that for a while. The only thing currently running through my head is mucous in my sinus cavities, which is soon to be heading down my nasal passages. That is a clear sign something creative is brewing. Why else would my nose run? Besides the fact that I have a cold, that is?

Well, I did find two more blogs of note that I enjoy reading:
the vacationist and Junk Food Science. I like vacations, although I haven't travelled to such exotic places that promise step-by-step instructions on how to wash one's buttocks. I love squeaky clean butt cheeks. This is right up my...alley. I keep Cottonelle wet wipes in my washrooms, even at work. There's nothing like a fresh bum. Seriously. I also like junk food. I want to not like it, but I have been conditioned through years of exposure to processed food to expect a certain mouth-feel for gratification. I am trying to unlearn this behaviour. I just ate two dark chocolate Lindt truffles. Draw your own conclusions.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

It Might Be The Sugar...

Where to start? In no particular order then:

#1. I am sick. I have caught my daughter's cold, and have been plagued with a runny nose and horrible cough since Thursday. I took Friday off work to rest up, and I took a trip to Ye Olde Healthe Foode Store to pick up some Wild Oil of Oregano which is seemingly all the rage these days. Which leads me to...

#2. Heh. Well, I was going to say I now smell like I've been licking the inside of a pizza, because I smell like oregano. Hopefully in a good, Italianny way, but I have no one to vouch for that. My husband is also "on the sauce" so together we will do his Italian surname proud. But #2 reminded me of #2, about which I won't go into great detail, but...

#3. We'll call it #3. I am lactose intolerant. Or at least, I was for 16 years up until last week. I very often pay the price for my dairy indulgences, and may be single-handedly keeping the Charmin company alive. However, I have not had a digestive upset in week, and I have had whipped cream, homemade chai tea with milk, gelato, chocolate fondue with cream, cheese, and hot chocolate, all sans-Lactaid. I don't think I have done anything different. Is it possible to outgrow lactose intolerance? I keep waiting for the other poo to drop, and so far I have been happily disappointed. I hope this means greener pastures for me. Heh heh. I just wanted to share that, in case it is short-lived. Go Moo.

#4. I had a great weekend in Vancouver, despite my cold. We won tickets to a fundraiser at Telus World of Science (at $300 per family, I doubt we would have gone otherwise!). There was so much food. Had we not just eaten dinner, I would have buried my nose in the buffet like a pig sniffing for truffles. Luckily, I was able to exercise control by sitting off to the side with my wine and picking from the passing trays of mini-burgers, meat on a stick, mini-donuts and more. Since we didn't pay for our tickets, we wandered by the silent auction table and thought we would put a bid on something small. Most of the small items had already been bid up pretty high, so we thought we'd help out by upping the ante on a larger auction. A three-night stay for 10 people at a chalet in Whistler Village valued at $1200. Starting bid was $600. Hubby says put down $700. Why not? The WestJet and Rocky Mountaineer auctions went for close to retail value. You guessed it. We won the auction. Of course we wouldn't have bid on something we didn't want or had no intention of paying for. I'm just surprised that it didn't get any more bids. $700 is a great deal! So although we didn't intend on dropping that much money this weekend, we're pretty happy about getting it. Thank God they took MasterCard! It was really fun to visit all the exhibits while the venue was closed to the public. The kids all got goody bags at the end of the evening, and with all the food, desserts, beer and wine, entertainment and exhibits, it was a great evening. Even the weather held up so we could walk to and from the hotel.

#5. I had slight eBay withdrawal, as I was forbidden to bring my laptop this weekend. I am whittling away at my stock and so far everything is selling. Did I mention I love eBay? I might need to sell quite a few things to pay for the expensive weekend.

#6. I love Cupcakes. Also cupcakes. But specifically Cupcakes on Denman and Cupcakes on Broadway. These are the best cupcakes ever. The buttercream frosting so delicious, and the moist cakes melt in your mouth. I got a Lemon Drop. The Man had a Banana Split Cupcake with a cherry on top. The Girl had a mini-Red Velvet with cream cheese icing. We took home a dozen mini-Divas. I should have taken a picture, but I was too excited to eat cupcakes and it's too late to Google up some images. I'm off to bed with visions of Cupcakes dancing in my head.

Ohh...the gelato...I forgot to mention the gelato! Went to Casa Gelato, where they have 218 flavours on site. Not just plain chocolate or mango, but rum and coke, balsamic vinegar, garlic, wasabi and avocado to name a few. We settled on Rice (pudding), and Mocha Almond, after 30 minutes of dazedly wandering around the counters, sampling flavours. It was fabulous! Even the wasabi was good, but I couldn't eat a whole cone of that. Just the teaspoonful made my eyes water. Our daughter had the usual. Bubblegum. I am loving my newfound dairy digestiveness!


Monday, May 26, 2008

I love eBay

There is probably nothing that you can't find on eBay. Is that a double-negative? It doesn't sound right, but it's what I want to say. I have searched for so many things, and very rarely have I been disappointed.

My daughter loves knee socks. She will only wear knee socks. No ankle socks, fold-down socks, sport socks. Knee socks. We bought some pretty cute ones at the Gap in the fall, but now that it is spring they of course can't be found. Except on eBay. I got three new pairs for $15 including shipping, which is what I paid at the mall before taxes and fuel.

I have also dropped a few coins on the oh-so-rare Webkinz charms that are damn near impossible to find. I think this is because people have scooped them up and are hawking them on eBay. I have looked for these for over 6 months and seen nary a one. I was so excited to find a seller in my hometown, which saved me a ton of shipping fees. I bought eight and a Webkinz elephant plush. They are so friggin' cute. I wish I had thought of finding a bunch to sell.

So I got to thinking I should sell something. I have lots of things. Specifically one thing. Brace yourself, dear reader, for I am about to share my dirty little secret with you. I...usedtobeaTupperwarelady. Yes, that's right. Except for the cliché bouffant hairdo, I was your typical, annoying, sell-anything-to-your-friends-and-family Tupperware pimp. I have been on the wagon for 6 years now. Basically since I got a real job. Don't get me wrong, I loooove the plastic. I still get excited when I see a new item, a new colour, a SALE item! But I don't buy anymore. Because I have 6 cupboards full in my kitchen. And 4 large boxes in my garage. Of brand new and demo Tupperware. I have consolidated down from 7 boxes, but I'm done with open houses and sales. So there it sits.

I figure it's depreciated enough that as long as someone pays the shipping, I don't care what it sells for anymore. So last weekend I listed one lot of six Tupperware keychains. Just enough to dip my toe in the water. Small investment. Cost me about $3 originally. I got a bid the next day at .99. Woohoo! The day before the auction closed, it hit $5.61. I was elated. The next morning I streaked to the computer, and it was up to $18.50! Holy crap! I didn't even bother to check again until minutes before the auction closed. $32.95. Oh. My. God. For 6 lousy (albeit cute!) little keychains. Plus shipping. How sweet is that?

So now I'm hooked. Out came the digital camera, and I'm arranging Tupperware models for their photo shoots. I feel like Austin Powers, with less chest hair and better teeth. Yeah baby! I've got 12 more items listed, one of which is ending in 2 minutes. Er...I've got to go!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Love Your Blog...

...because if you don't, who will?

Yay! We got a makeover! I would like to thank all the little people that made this possible, namely me. Just kidding. After piddling around with Photoshop, default templates and crap, and not wanting to ask my husband, who IS a Web Developer by the way, I finally cracked and googled Blogger templates. There are so many to choose from! I'd like to give a shout out to Fresh Blogger Templates for their free and lovely xml template and for the instructions on how to install. After a little tweaking we are good to go!

It's like getting a pedicure and facial. I feel pretty!

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Happy Belated Cinco de Mayo

Ahhh...I missed April. I was sick. Um. For all of April. After a week in Playa del Carmen in March I have been feeling down and out of sorts. Down because I had to leave the warmth and beauty of Mexico, and out of sorts digestively speaking. Not to mention that I am chronically tired and ill on a good day. I have barely enough energy to lurk on Facebook, let alone blog.

Anyway, I meant to post a link to this blog I found (through Blogs of Note, I don't have time to search these things myself!): Bottles, Barbies & Boys.

Now there's a mother. Three wonderful kids, a beautiful blog and a sense of humour. I love her honesty and thank her for letting us into her life. It is not airbrushed, edited, censored, or restrained. It's like a daily affirmation that we all have our days, nobody is perfect, and you just have to roll with it. And that I should stick with one kid. :)

Also, Weighty Matters, a doctor's perspective on society's food ills and its effect on our health. I love that he calls out the brainwashing of Big Food on the masses, educating us on how our blind faith on healthy endorsements is misplaced. Make no wonder we are so fat! Damn you, Big Food, damn you...

Saturday, March 8, 2008

These Are a Few of My Favourite Blogs...

When I first signed up to Blogger, the very first blog I visited was the Blog of Note for the day, Homemade By Jill. The fact that it was noteworthy by Blogger, combined with the promise of homemade goodies prompted me to click the link.

The first thing I saw was a pretty girl (presumably Jill) around my age, the second was the cutest pair of lavender cloth baby shoes. Adorable! The more I scrolled, the more I was enthralled by the talent this craftstress possessed - the sock animals, then the onesie cookies with tiny piped icing. Then I happened upon the Diaper Cake Tutorial. I was in awe. It was the most beautiful, professional looking Diaper Cake I have ever seen. It was reminiscent of a wedding cake, all white and green and pink, with decadent roses that turned out to be made of coffee filters. Amazing! This instantly became my favourite blog and I scoured it until I had devoured all her sensational creations. Then I noticed Jill had another blog...

Bee-Boppin' the Boroughs in which she and best friend Meg photo-chronicle their travels through the streets of NYC whilst wearing stripey purple hats. They are very comical, and have a yen for doughnuts that is fulfilled during nearly every walk. There is even a spare hat for guest Bee-Boppers that join the walk. The captions are very entertaining. So this has become one of my other favourite blogs.

Cakes by Kelsie is another Blog of Note that caught my eye. The cakes and other goodies are the creations of a 16-year-old aspiring caketeer, Kelsie. They are quite good, and you can tell she is learning a lot. Her Webkinz cookies are spectacular.

I have come across a few other blogs that would be worthy to note, if only I could remember what they were now. I am not a talented crafter or photographer, and although I consider myself a pretty good cook and baker, I don't have much time for either since I work 40 hours a week. When I get home from work my main goal is to get some tasty food inside me, stat! While delicious, it is not picture-worthy as I don't plate everything or have time to snap pics. I try not to bake too much, because it leads to eating too much. Kudos to those who do take the time to present a pretty plate and post pictures of their culinary artwork for the rest of us to enjoy!

Friday, March 7, 2008

Blog Incognito

So after a lot of random blog-surfing (read: clicking the next blog link repeatedly with glazed eyes), I have discovered that there are a lot of blogs about nothing out there. I am not alone! :) Since I want to retain some shred of anonymity for the time being, I won't be posting family or personal pictures, or a million boring vacation slides. Well, I could post one of my big toe without fear of being recognized; it is fairly nondescript. The pinky toe, well, that is a bit more distinct, and I risk being uncovered. Anyway, at least I don't feel any pressure about having a blog meme, info-blog, public-service blog, deep blog, or pop blog. I will subscribe to random blogginess inblognito. I never liked being popular anyway. It interferes with my hermitting.

That being said, I have stumbled upon a web site that I so wish I could proudly claim as my own. In fact, my sister and I had started a book on the very subject matter 8 years ago. Sadly, we had not enough experience under our belts at that point in our lives, and it was abandoned. It was to be called "Flushdance - Things to Do When You're Doing a Poo". This site brought more than a tear to my eye, but to fully appreciate it you would have to enjoy have sick potty-humour as much as I do, and take pride in your flushcapades. A little IBS might help too. Anyway, without further ado (pun intended), I give you...

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Hmm...what to post?

I have bloggers block. Seriously. All the thoughts I have when driving home from work have completely vacated my head by the time I log in. I need voice-recognition software or something. But that wouldn't work, because I have these conversations in my head that never transpire verbally. Damn. I don't have any specialized knowledge on any particular subject. I don't have a rare medical condition. I don't have intense passion for a cause. I don't make things, take amazing pictures, or have a hobby. Pooh. I guess I will be Random Mediocre Girl, with fairly good grammar and excellent spelling. On the plus side, I am good at Jeopardy, as my head is filled with useless, random trivia that can only be recalled in the form of a question under pressure.

Okay, that is one thing I am passionate about. There seems to be a severe decline in spelling, grammar, punctuation and general communication, noticeably in the younger generation (I'm old for my age). Not just in the MSN/SMS (text-messaging) world, but in email, school, and in the workplace as well. Oh, to be a high-school English teacher -- perish the thought! I would dig myself a grave to turn over in (or in which to turn over, but let's not get carried away!). I have never been a fan of lol. The word is onomatopeiac. I envision a drooling, Ren & Stimpyish sounding "lall" while your head lolls to the side (pun intended). Lol. Ugh. That and rofflemaow, which is how one would pronounce roflmao, or lemaow, short for lmao. Brb I can understand, since you are most likely in a hurry at that point, and is a quick, considerate way to not leave the other party hanging in dead, whitespace silence. Especially for the hunt-n-peckers or slow typers. Other travesties include: alot, the wrong usage of their/there/they're, and the use of apostrophes to show plural. There, I'm a language snob and I freely admit it.

I think my next post should be about my research on why my nose runs when I am creatively writing. Now I remember why I hated doing homework. Snort.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Welcome to my wetspot

I just noticed that the url for my blog is Sounds kind of like wetspot. Ew. Dirty. And yet curiously appropriate. So anyway, welcome to Dinah Gogina's wetspot. :)

Introducing Miz Dinah Gogina

I'm sitting here in the living room on a Sunday night, drinking a mojito and surfing when I should be doing laundry. It's not my turn on Scrabulous, hubby and daughter are playing Guitar Hero on the Wii, and I'm bored. Not bored enough to finish the laundry, mind you. I've always wanted a blog. I have all these great ideas in my head that I think, "Oh, I should put that on my blog," but now that I've signed up for an account, my head is empty. I think it might be the mojito.

First, I should introduce myself. My co-worker used to call me Dinah as a nickname, and because we have customers who phone from the deep South from time to time, we tend to adopt a southern accent for hours at a time. You can say the most amazingly blunt things with a southern accent, and it always sounds so pleasant. "Do y'all mind takin' your hand off mah ass, darlin'?" Anyway, she started calling me Miz Dinah, and then Dinah Gogina (rhymes with vagina). I don't know why, but it stuck.

That's pretty much the story of how Dinah Gogina got her name.

Quick bio: I'm 31, live in BC (that's in Canada, eh!), and am a full-time working mom of 1. what?